Obsession Weiner

Yesterday humble follower got a call on the secure mystic line, there was a holy voice on the other side. Holy voice asked my opinion on the Weiner story. I said Holiness you too? 

The conversation went like this:

Holy voice = Holy voice,             
Me= humble follower

Holy voice:  Humble follower what is your opinion on the Weiner story.

Me: Holiness I think it is a very unholy story and we the holy have nothing to do with it.

Holy voice: Nonsense, we the Holy want to know your opinion, consider it to be a surprise test. Your promotion to a higher mystical rank depends on this.

Me: Your Holiness, all hell has broken, the whole republic of 340million is obsessed with the PG rated pictures of the Honorable congressman from the great state of New York.

Holiness, Economy is bad, housing market is crumbling, national debt is escalating, our soldiers are dying on foreign soil and here we are going BANANAS on some silly pictures of some testosterone loaded stupid politician.

Holy voice: You think a young stud congressman sends half naked pictures to young ladies and it is not an issue? Your sanity and your morality seem to be in bad health.

Me: Well your Holiness each night along with our young kids, we sit and watch Wife Swap, Bachelor, Bachelorette and other shows where, good Christians either swap there wives, or like cats and dogs do all kind of stuff that would make Jesus run and crucify himself. But we never ask these shows to be cancelled or the producers to quit their job; rather we all enjoy the shows.

Holy voice: Don’t you dare change the subject.

Me: Half the nation is twittering their bare chests and wieners, that is OK if Weiner does it that is not OK. What a justice. 

Holy voice: SO? You have a problem with this?

Me: Your Holiness, are our leaders not from us? Or do we import them from China and India too?  If the leaders are not imported and they are from within us or us then they will behave exactly like us.

Holy voice: What does that mean? Don’t try to be philosophical.

 Me: Your Holiness, look, if we mix salt in a bowl of water and take a spoonful of that water out whether from the top or from the bottom it will be salty.

Holy voice: What does salt water has to do with Weiner’s immorality?

Me: Holiness, consider our nation as a salt water bowl, every spoonful that comes out will be salty, we can not have spoonful of sweet water out of a salt water bowl.

Holy voice: Again salt water? Are you sitting in the bathroom with your feet in the salt-water footbath?

Me: Holiness let me make it simple, the bowl of our nation is full of Weiners, there is nothing in it except Weiners, how can you expect Saint Paul to come out of this bowl?

Holy voice: Through a miracle, you fool.

Me: Your Holiness look at the bright side, these pictures prove that our leaders are physically fit. Have you seen the chiseled body of Honorable congressman?  We should ask that all the congressmen, congresswomen, senators and other public officials twitter their pictures in the Weiner pose to their constituents, to prove they are in good physical shape. Your Holiness a number of those old and sick senators have died recently, causing a lot of complexities.

Holy voice: Excuse me!

Me: Also your Holiness I think these Democrats are bunch of losers. Instead of supporting Weiner, they are asking him to resign. Democrats can get a lot of young female and gay voters to vote for them. All the hunk Senators and congressmen should twitter their locker room pictures to young voters. They should get Senator John Edwards to do the coaching.

Holy voice: This is all absurd; your future in the holy community is in jeopardy. One of the nations leaders is committing immorality and you are supporting him?

Me: Look, your Holiness, we are all human. Accountants, plumbers, doctors, farmers, soldiers and congressmen and congresswomen we all have human needs. Some time we get so busy we do not have time to take care of these needs and get frustrated or as the unholy say, “horny.” When we are “horny” we don’t think from up there but from down there and do stupid things. It just proves we are humans, and prone to making mistakes and deserve forgiveness and sympathy.

Holy voice: I got it humble follower. You have a heck of a dirty mind….

Me: Ok your Holiness, from now on when the new Senators and representatives take oath of office, the Speaker of the house should ask all the congressmen to unscrew their penis and handover to him/her, to be kept in a lockbox for their term. Also zip up and seal vaginas of all female members. And the vice president perform the same ceremony for the senators and Holiness………

Holy voice: Hello! Hello!................hello! ………………….